Who Are You Becoming?

I’ve spent my life working through who I am. Who am, I? Well, I have a pretty strong understanding: an independent freethinker living life on my own terms, a self-authored, self-initiated aesthetic lover and global jet setter, standing strongly in authenticity and independent thinking.

I am a woman of action, a bit of a risk lover. I would die on my sword for what I believe is right, speak up, and follow through on my word. I will not lie down and swallow misalignment or “fake it till you make it”. I hope to give back to the world more than I receive.

I know who I am and I walk my own path unapologetically towards my North Star, without regret for whom I have to leave behind.

How did I get here? I’ve always been this person, but I’m louder about it now because I’ve shrunk to fit in; and I’m not shrinking anymore.

I thought I lost myself for a while. I didn’t, I just abandoned her. I went searching for someone I thought I wanted to become. When actually, who I am never changed.

My roles changed, my environments changed, my image changed. But I am the woman I’ve always been.

I just didn’t give her a platform or full permission.

Motherhood, however, let her out fully.

I have travelled the Earth quite literally: the heights of great mountains, the depths of caves. I have pilgrimaged to Ubud, visited monks in the Nepalese mountains, walked the Camino, and visited various religious or sacred places in order to find an answer to who I am, to understand myself more deeply and return with a conclusion.

But I have come to realise that only the core remains, and the rest evolves.

Our lives are ever-changing and reflect different parts of us at different times.

You’re not who you used to be nor who you’re becoming; you’re all of it. There is no perfect version, and there is no loss of any of it.

The trick to understanding who you are becoming, and who you are, is to be real and honest about what is already present.

I thought I had changed; maybe yes, maybe no. I hadn’t changed as a person; I changed the expression of her:

I turned the volume up on some parts and down on others.

I forgot certain parts.

I thought I had left parts behind when I became a mother. I asked myself: Who will she be? What will she look like? What does she do? Is she happy?

I grieved the woman I was leaving behind, except she never left.

She simply became clearer, louder, braver, more intentional.

My expression of self changed, but my nature remained the same, and that is what I believe it is about:

You can go through life putting on a million different outfits, but which one truly fits?