The Identity Gap

There is a vulnerable position in life that is rarely recognised and seldom named.

I call it the Identity Gap.

It can sound like a place for those who are lost. And while there may be a sense of loss, or of being at a loss, that conclusion is often too quick, too narrow.

Anyone can find themselves in the Identity Gap.

Some people fall into it.

Others step into it deliberately.

It is uncharted territory.

Not because it is rare, but because it is largely unmarked.

Naming it does not resolve it, but it can make it easier to remain.

The Identity Gap often appears during periods of transition: motherhood, redundancy, career change, divorce. Sometimes through moving countries, or crossing cultures.

It was only after navigating motherhood, that I began to recognise this particular terrain. I had already crossed it many times, in different forms. None of them easier than the last. All of them without signposts.

In psychology, this is often referred to as a liminal phase.

It can be deeply painful.

Any shedding of identity involves leaving something behind. It can feel like losing a limb, whether it grows back in a different form, or not at all.

Some people remain here for a long time. Others try desperately to reclaim who they were, just as something new is beginning to take shape.

It can feel like slipping into shadow, unseen, difficult to recognise, hard to explain. This is often compounded by judgement, whether external or internal.

The Identity Gap is not self-inflicted.

There is nothing inherently wrong with you.

And it is not a failure.