I Lost Myself Being Sensible

I Lost Myself Being Sensible. How many of us go around playing it safe and being sensible?How often do you resent playing safe and being sensible- if you were truly honest?

It’s validating. It’s probably socially rewarding. Maybe you were loved for it as a child, or maybe this was your role model.

And it has its place; sensibility is important. Sensibility definitely is required.

But what I loathe most is that, these things that are supposed to be used in balance and at appropriate times, are often glorified and over-honoured.

Society would have us believe that it is a way of life. A value to live by. That your dreams, aspirations and way of living should be filtered through sensibility. Almost as an identity. At least, that’s how I feel.

I lived the first half of my life being completely non-sensible.

I left my seven-year relationship to move to the Middle East. I chose a flight attendant lifestyle over university. I travelled and followed things that made me happy.

And guess where that led me? To a high-paying job that I only worked once a year, tax-free, in luxury accommodation. And I achieved that life by 27 years old.

Where did it all go wrong? When I tried to be sensible.

I thought, “I can’t possibly live like this forever - flight attendant life has an expiry date.”

Especially in the Middle East.

I thought the sensible thing to do would be to leave young enough to change careers.

I thought the sensible thing to do would be to settle down, find a partner and have a family.

I thought the sensible thing to do would be to get a 9–5 job.

All these things are honourable, but what did they give me?

Depression.

It was the sensible route. The traditional way. The socially acceptable thing to do. But I lost myself in an environment that didn’t reflect who I deep down knew myself to be.

I lost myself in an environment that didn’t reflect back my values.

I lost myself in an environment where I was hiding myself and what I really wanted.

So what did I do? I stopped being sensible.

I went on the Camino de Santiago.

I chose motherhood on my terms.

I initiated a move abroad.

I started choosing myself and claiming back my autonomy in life.

I stopped dancing to other people’s tunes.

I stopped listening to other people’s opinions.

I stopped performing.

I stopped collecting certificates to prove my qualifications and worth.

I stopped trying to fit into roles and moulds that didn’t fit me.

I started living on my terms.

I’m building meaning into my life.

I’m breathing vitality into my life.

I’m creating a world I love and a life I can enjoy.