Our guide to all the top holiday self-care
As the eve on Christmas draws upon us. The excitement and anticipation. Perhaps you have big plans, or maybe you’ve stepped away from the big plans in a form to protect your peace and take a well-deserved break for yourself. Maybe, things didn’t go to plan, and your Christmas is not what was expected, nor what you wanted for yourself. All of these, whether we accept them or not, are okay. The pressure from the outside world, our outside environment, pushes onto us expectations and pictures of how things should be. Sometimes, those things don’t come to be at all or life, will be life, and throw you something you didn’t see coming.
Whatever your situation is, you, despite any circumstances, are not alone. Whether that be because there are many people in similar situations that you do or don’t know, or because you have sought support, or merely reading this.
However stressful or overwhelming stepping into your family or non-family environment may be, we are here to help!
Here are sure ways to support you through the season, bringing more peace and love into your experience, no matter what life throws at you!
Set Healthy Boundaries:
Take time for yourself. It’s a time for family and friends, yes, but it is also a time for you. Know your limits and bandwidth and give yourself breaks and space where required. It can easily become a time of pleasing others, and although we relish this in moments, this should not be the driving force or consume your day.
Step away when it gets too much. Even if you just quietly step away without announcing it because that’s the way you feel you know how- that is great. Honouring your needs and moving out of an overwhelming or overstimulating environment is an act of self-love. It is only temporary and can be done as many times as needed. Better that, then being pushed over the edge or just not fully able to enjoy it!
Go for a walk. This is such a nourishing and grounding experience, even if it is (pray no) raining! Connecting with nature naturally boosts our mental and emotional wellbeing by just being in it, so this will help heaps. No to mention the break if needed, the fresh air, and the time to yourself as well as perceptive if needed. Cooling down, or merely relaxing, taking a walk at Christmas will do the world of good. Other things can wait- nothing is more important than you. Even if people tag along, there will be benefits.
Politely, and calmly communicate your needs and wishes. Of course, there is always compromise, but in moments where you are being jeopardised “As great as dinner was, I cannot eat seconds”. “I have had enough to drink, thank you for offering”.
Focus on the Positives:
This can be a bit of a cliché and darn right difficult in trying times, but we have the ability to set the tone. By initiating, you will have taken control of the situation and more likely to carve out the tone you want and feel more satisfied within yourself. Of course, there are some moments or characters where you are damned if you do, damned if you don’t…but it doesn’t hurt to try. The results can be contagious and highly effective.
Break the introductions with a positive statement. Immediately setting a positive tone by complementing people or noticing the tasteful décor or cosiness of the room, or the great smell of dinner, people are more likely to respond and be uplifted by positive comments and follow your lead. Especially if you have been the one to immediately take the lead, people are generally
Focus on conversations that bring out positives. It takes practice this one, but disengaging in negative conversations and steering back to positives can help create a more positive atmosphere. Negative conversations only take root if there is participation, steering the conversation in a new direction can avoid spreading of bad feeling.
Have realistic expectations:
PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST!! As admirable as it is and as much as we wish really hard it could be, it does not exit. It’s going to set you up to fail. Do the best you can, and choose for that to be your “perfect”.
Receive graciously and give without expectations. Again, as with perfection, expectations of any sorts lead to disappointment. Having no expectations is easier said than done, but remind yourself to expect nothing.
Be comfortable with what you have chosen to give or not give. As an expression of your boundaries, know that you have done enough. Anything you did or didn’t give was your choice. No explanations required. No guilt to be carried.
Avoid being pulled into other people’s inner worlds. Remind yourself that any reaction or response reflects the other persons state and perception/ experiences, and the projection is not of you.
Practise Mindfulness
Be present during the day, and connect to yourself and the current activity or moment as much as possible.
Be compassionate with yourself. It is easy to beat ourselves up, and to see how we could have done “better” or “different”. We are all human, deeply complexed, with so much going on day to day. You are doing amazingly, whatever that capacity is.
Don’t compare. Sure way to turn the mood inside you down a notch is to compare on any level, yours with there’s. The grass is not always greener.
General Health
Don’t forget to keep up with your sleep and nutrition. Nothing will substitute this.
Honour your own journey and needs
If you are grieving this time of year, be compassionate with yourself. Remind yourself that this will “pass”, become more manageable in time and that this won’t be your story next year. For now, life is not perfect, is in incredibly messy and your experience right now should be honoured. If you can connect with people who will help ease the pain, ensure you seek comfort in them. If being alone is what you wish, respect your needs. Take this Christmas how you see fit and do what is best for you and your welfare. Grief takes time and cannot be fixed; it is a process that requires presence and acknowledgment. Too often society brushes over grief and sometimes we supress or diminish the pain, which doesn’t serve our future. Take time for you, be patient with yourself and the process and should you feel pulled under and overcome with grief for an excessive period without being able to move on, reach out for help. If you are struggling you can call the Samaritans anytime on 116 123.
Reach Out for Help
If there is any time to reach out for help or to practice asking, it’s now. Most people would love an opportunity to feel needed or do something good for someone. A lot of people just don’t think or see how others may need it, but would be there in a flash. Of course it is a busy time of year, but that doesn’t mean you are a burden or should get on with it. Ask.
In cases that you feel help from people that are not so close would be beneficial, there are help lines.
Samaritans 116 123
NHS 111 (select mental health)
Women’s Aid 0845 345 434
Whatever your situation, we wish you a peaceful Christmas, both within and without.
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